$auntering $limy $tock Index ($$$) Quarterly Report: Q1 2005

DOWN 47%

Last month, I started the $auntering $limy $tock Index, and I'm proud to present my first quarterly report.

For those of you playing at home, each time I am faxed a junk stock opportunity, I shall pretend to buy $1,000 of that security, tracking this faux portfolio in my Morningstar account. I'll provide a quarterly update regarding the performance of these gems.

Before today, I'd only received one fax in the past month: Cyberads Inc. (CAYD.OB). Thus, Cyberads has had to shoulder the entire $$$ burden for Q1 2005. It sagged a bit under all that pressure, losing 47% of its value since I pretended to purchase it on March 14.

Today, I'm proud to announce the addition of Savi Media Group, Inc. (SVMI.OB) to the $$$. Although I have no idea what service or good Savi Media Group is pitching, they must be awesome. According to the unsolicited fax I just received, they are a HUGE GAIN OPPORTUNITY.

...and I'm a sucker for HUGE GAIN OPPORTUNITIES.