Thursday, January 03, 2008

The Russians Get Fyodor Dostoevsky, We Get Pat Robertson

Historians have long suspected that Fyodor Dostoevsky, a Russian novelist of immense talent, had temporal lobe epilepsy. This condition – which also appears to have afflicted Lewis Carroll, Edgar Allan Poe, Gustave Flaubert, Philip K. Dick, & Sylvia Plath – can cause the individual to feel a euphoric connection with the divine, to experience an ecstatic array of visual images, and it may be implicated by some people who report UFO or other paranormal experiences.

I wonder if Pat Robertson has something like temporal lobe epilepsy.

You see, Pat's a wonder to me. I'm astonished that there is an individual who can time and again intrude upon our national consciousness, say something crazy, and then retreat back to his relative obscurity only to emerge later in the year. Here's like a hibernating bear of nuttiness. For a chronicle of Pat's previous predictions, threats, and promises, click here.

Of late, God's been talking to Pat. What's He/She/It been saying, you ask? Well, a couple things.

First, God told him the outcome of the upcoming U.S. Presidential election. Sadly, Pat's not going to tell us who the victor shall be, but if he is at all like Biff in Back to the Future Part II, we'd expect Pat to increase his already massive wealth by betting on the election.

Second, God has informed Robertson that China is going to by-and-large convert to Christianity. Since God didn't provide a timeline to Robertson, we'll just have to wonder when the miraculous mass conversion of China will occur. Tomorrow? How about 2010? Tell us, Pat. Please.

God told me you should tell us.

No comments: