Your Honor, I Call Wayne Newton To The Witness Stand

Okay, so Michael Jackson got the flu. Naturally, being as fragile as a porcelain mouse, he was rushed to the emergency room.

In reading about this little episode, I saw the character witnesses that Jackson's attorneys intend to put on the stand. Moreover, the article listed the assemblage of celebrities prosecutors are gathering to cast aspersions on Jackson. Oh. My. Gawd.

Best.
Unordered.
List.
Ever.

(Names taken directly from the article)

• Elizabeth Taylor


• Jay Leno


• Quincy Jones


• Kobe Bryant


• Stevie Wonder


• Diana Ross


• Chris Tucker


• Former child actor Corey Feldman


• Backstreet Boy Nick Carter


• ...and younger brother Aaron


• CBS correspondent Ed Bradley


• CNN's Larry King


• Fox broadcaster Rita Cosby


• New Age guru Deepak Chopra


• Illusionist Uri Geller


• Illusionist David Blaine


• Las Vegas tycoon Steve Wynn


• ...and relatives of the late Marlon Brando

Not that this list needs a single bit of qualification, but I'm excited that there will be two -- count 'em, TWO -- magic acts.

If you need me, I'll be clearing out space on the TiVo.