Friday, May 14, 2004

1 Day Left: Rumsfeld Will Resign Within 24 Hours

Having orchestrated the release of hundreds of prisoners from Abu Gharib, and having rallied the troops, Donnie's on his merry way back to Washington... only to find a "Dear Don" letter waiting for him on his desk, written in W's unsteady hand.

The Rumsfeld Retrospective is drawing to a close, and we've examined many facets of this complicated man:

Rumsfeld the Smiler (& The Claw)
Donnie the Diplomat
Rummy the Lecturer
Donnie the Father of Diet Soda
Rummy the Executive Operator
Donnie the Septuagenarian
Rumsfeld the Rulesmaker
Donald Rumsfeld: Shaolin Master
Rumsfeld the Endlessly Inspiring Public Persona
Our time is short, and it feels like we're only just beginning to look at the byzantine world of Donnie. We'd be remiss if we overlooked the Donald Rumsfeld that we celebrate today:

Donald Rumsfeld: Friend

Source: Defenselink/DoD

Rumsfeld is a humble man -- and though he is truly wicked smart, he'd be the first to tell you that he couldn't have done all this by himself.

From my vantage, Donald Rumsfeld is surrounded by an assemblage of neo-conservative hawks hellbent on moving the world just a little bit closer to Ragnarok.

Paulie Wolfowitz is to Donald Rumsfeld what Roy Cohn was to Joe McCarthy. While Donnie's in Iraq, Paul is enjoying a nice grilling from Congress. My favorite quote from Wolfowitz's inquisition? Well, it'd have to be, "Well, I would suggest, Mr Secretary, that you're not doing your job," by Senator Jack Reed. Such things are not said to people who have a job next week.

Bye, Paul. Back to Johns Hopkins with you.

I think the only people who give Douglas Feith enough credit are Robert Woodward and Colin Powell. Do you feel that chill breeze in America? That feeling that you're either unquestioningly with us or against us? That's Darth Feith.

Bye, Vader.

I could include many more members of the current administration, but I'll finish out this quartet with Richard Perle, who resigned from the Defense Policy Board in February. Perle was a major contributor to our war plans and our war footing. He surprised everyone when he was the first neocon to admit cracks in our aggressive foreign policy armor.

Richard, since you dwelt in entirely within an undemocratic veil of secrecy, we hardly knew ye.

We'll miss them all. But don't worry, we'll have to recount stories of them to our grandkids when we talk about the years immediately after 9/11, and the violent frenzy that captured America during the latter half of George W. Bush's single term.

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