Driving While Predictably Impaired

I'm tremendously skeptical of anyone who wears sunglasses indoors, so it comes as no surprise to me that former Chicago Bears QB Jim McMahon, famous for always wearing shades, would be pulled over while driving with a .261 blood-alcohol level.

Though he and Jack Nicholson both claim to have sensitive eyes, we can guess the real truth. Watching basketball's just that much more entertaining when you're higher than Jesus.